Tag Archives: total take back

Total-Take-Back: I Offended Superman At The Grocery Store

I was in the supermarket the other day, emerging from the soy milk aisle, when another cart halted just in time to prevent a colossal cart crash. I heard the person behind the cart make that squealing brake sound. You know, that “eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrtttt”. Love this guy already. I always make the eeeeerrrrttt sound with my cart at the grocery store (even if it’s just in my head).

Anyway, standing there was this man that totally looked like a Con-goer stopping just in time with his little girl in the cart seat. I barely noticed because all I could see was the giant Superman shirt he had on.

It made me smile. Ok. It made me laugh. But not in a “I’m totally mocking you because I’m an unmitigated snob kind of way”, more like a chuckle that says “I’m a geek, too! I absolutely appreciate your awesome way of owning your stereotype, man!”

However, what I actually said out loud was, “heh, heh. Superman. Hey, way to save the day.”

It happened in a flash but it was long enough for me to process the dude’s eye roll and the penetrating disdain swallowing his face.

Wait! I think I may have offended the man. SO not what I was trying to do! I liked his shirt, it made me laugh, and he moved out of the way faster than a speeding bullet …

I had to clarify. As I walked away I threw out, “I like your shirt —- Superman.”

Yeah. So he looked pretty disgusted with me on all levels at that point as he stormed off toward the ice cream case.

Being misunderstood is pretty much a guaranteed total-take-back. And if you are out there reading this blog post -I’m sorry, Superman. I’m sorry I sounded like a condescending jerk. You actually made my day.

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Total-Take-Back: Pegged Pants

6th grade Basketball

I don’t take-back playing elementary school basketball, even if I sucked at it, because it was fun. But pegged pants? Yeah, we should be ashamed of ourselves.

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Total-Take-Back: Maryland Crabcakes

maryland crabcakes

A man going the extra mile for some Maryland crabcakes … OR a very perceptive waiter. You make the call.

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Total-Take-Back: Super Bowl XLVIII

Including commercials. It was just like watching Titanic. 3 1/2 hours of my life I will NEVER get back.

Super Bowl 48

Oh the humanity!

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Total-Take-Back: Bored Snowbound Georgians

Stork

Perhaps just this once – if the house is a rockin’, maybe you should stop.

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Total-Take-Back: In The Mouth Of Madness (Kansas Style)

I love scary movies. I particularly like psychological thrillers. Blood and guts? Meh. Mind-blown and goosebumps? Gets me every time. In The Mouth of Madness has stuck with me for years.  Actually one of the scarier films for me to date. The movie has grossly etched two things forever in my mind:

  1. Some small creepy kid saying, “It’s Mommy’s Day!” – etched because I was watching it in the wee hours of the morning  on Mother’s Day with friends. Scared the crap out of us! And kids in scary movies are always creepy.
  2. This totally warped scene of a young/old freaky dude on a bike in the boondocks with playing cards clothes-pinned to his tires. All you could hear was “click, click, click, click, click, click, click.”

Recently Clifford and I were driving through Bufu, Kansas at about 3 in the morning. I was suddenly reliving that scene from the movie, but this time in real life!

In The Mouth

                                                Scene from the movie.                                                screenshot taken from horrordigest.blogspot.com

Continue reading

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Total-Take-Back: Walking My Dog

I might as well finish out this week continuing with the dog theme. If there was one thing I wish I could take back (well, there are many one things I wish I could take back, but this one is likely in the top ten) it would have to be the walk my sister and I took with our Chinese Pug.

We had the sweetest little Chinese Pug growing up named Taffy (no, I didn’t name her).

Taffy the chinese pug

Taffy. The sweetest dog in all the land.

My sister and I had taken her on a walk to the river preserve not far from our house. We lived in a very rural area. As we were heading home, we were walking by a house when out of NOWHERE came the most vicious dog I think either my sister or I had ever seen.

The dog was snarling and glaring with his yellow eyes (so help me God! YELLOW EYES!) and racing straight for our sweet little girl. Taffy was frozen. She was completely terrified. I guess you could say her flight or fight instincts kicked in but it was something more akin to the oft-unspoken third option: forfeit. She collapsed to the ground, rolled on her side and started peeing like a race horse. She was peeing on herself, she was shooting it across the road; she couldn’t stop! I never thought such a small dog could have so much in her. I suppose that was her version of a white flag.

Taffy being chased by a dog

Sweet little Taffy offering her complete surrender. 

As the ferocious beast was still rushing our way, my sister and I heard a voice calling from behind the house, “ Buttercup! Buttercup, come back!”

Are you kidding me?!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!! That’s like calling Al Capone “Little Angel” as he mows you down with his Tommy Gun.

And here’s the thing – Taffy isn’t moving. As much as we tried to get her back on her feet, it wasn’t happening. We couldn’t physically pick her up, either, because she was spazzing so much. So Taffy just continued to spray her cowardice everywhere.

Then suddenly, with impending doom just feet away, we hear it. CRACK! The chain has hit its limit and stops the savage Buttercup right in her tracks. We were saved!

Taking our lovable little pug on a journey to Hell and back is something I regret terribly. I think she aged 15 years in those 30 seconds that felt like forever. But she did survive, we lived to tell the tale and are eternally wary of dogs with violent names like Buttercup.

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Total-Take-Back: Just A Pinch?

Ass Pincher

Hmmm… I didn’t realize cardboard cutout goosing was a thing. Oh wait, because it isn’t.  

 

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Total-Take-Back: Happy New Year! (but not really)

Happy New Year!!! I hope 2014 treats you well. Though the new year is always a nice clean slate, there was one January 1st I wouldn’t mind forgetting.

My brother, younger sister and I were noshing on typical holiday treats at my folks. Summer sausage was a family favorite and we had enjoyed it just the week before. And maybe it sat out for an hour or two … or a few before being put away.

Food poisoning

Not A Happy New Year

It started with me. New Year’s Eve. 10 PM. I threw up (I know reading my blog it seems like I do that a lot). I had a fever and the sweats (and every other horrid thing that can shoot out of your body), too. It felt like I had been hit by the plague. We chalked it up to the flu at first. Two hours later, my brother goes down. Same symptoms. We were running in and out of the bathroom like mad men. An hour or two after that, it consumed my little sister who ended up sleeping next to the toilet on the bathroom floor.

We had contracted the WORST case of food poisoning I had ever had. It felt like death. In fact I called my then boyfriend Clifford in Atlanta crying on my bed, clutching my stomach as I bid him a final farewell. I knew I was goner and I was going to leave him my TV.

Miraculously, I did survive, as did we all, but it was hardly the way to kick off a new year.  The worst holiday experience ever!!!

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Total-Take-Back: I Puked At A Funeral Viewing

puking in a parking lot

I had scrambled eggs, went to the viewing and puked in the parking lot. And that’s why I hate breakfast for lunch.

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