Tag Archives: total take back

Total-Take-Back: The Walk Of Shame

Happy Friday, folks! Please tell me I am not the only one this has happened to? …

I was visiting my sister in Fort Collins. We were at her local gym. I’d locked my clothes in the locker (which had quite the tricky little lock, by the way). Couldn’t seem to make it work after my swim. And of course nobody was around to help me when I needed it most. Got to walk through the entire gym soaking wet (at least I was in my swimsuit) with a hand towel to cover me while people smirked and stared as I made my way to the front desk.

Yep.

Yep. And for the record, walking through a local gym soaked in my swimsuit is nothing like being soaked in my swimsuit with strangers on a beach. Not similar. At. All. 

Totally felt like the Walk of Shame … suddenly I was waking up from my Bachelorette party all over again… Not cool.

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Pumpkin Carving

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And so it begins… the fond tradition of pumpkin carving. I haven’t carved a pumpkin in years. I don’t know if it’s because I’m mixed-handed or if it’s just me, but holding a knife to slice, dice, shape and scrape anything never feels quite right.

And I wouldn’t exactly say I excelled in my sculpture classes at college. I may have gone to art school, but that by no means makes me a Renaissance Woman. Clifford had a heavy hand in many a 3D project.

Given all of that, I don’t exactly know how I got roped into this particular event, but I did help my niece carve her pumpkin last night. It was kind of a fail. Let’s break it down: Continue reading

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Total-Take-Back: The Infamous Cycling Kit

I don’t think I need to explain.

Columbia Women's Cycling Kit

Columbia Women’s Cycling Kit (photo: twitter/ultimo_km1)

Total-Take-Back.

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Total-Take-Back: My Mini Fro

Me ... or Adam Sandler as a kid? It's ME, people!!!

Me … or Adam Sandler as a kid? It’s ME, people!!!

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Total-Take-Backs: Cockroaches

My biggest regret about living in the South are the cockroaches. They call them Palmetto Bugs as if that title somehow makes them less offensive. These aren’t your Northern dainty little pests that can be crushed between your thumb and forefingers. These are massive, winged creatures that will flutter at your face the moment you step in their direction. They are enormous. They are disgusting. They are Southern. I hate them.

Gigantic nasty flying critters the size of a baby's fist.

Gigantic nasty flying critters the size of a baby’s fist.

So imagine how it I felt when one fell on me in the shower.

cockroach shower

Most horrifying experience EVER.

No really. Most horrifying experience EVER. Especially when you hear the thud on your body before you feel it.

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Total-Take-Back: The World Cup Semi Finals

I think this little whoopsie might be Brazil’s most painful Take-Back ever. Well, that and their waxes.

Germany for the win.

Germany for the win.

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Total-Take-Back: The Chicago Stock Exchange

Taking pictures of the floor with flash photography. Right next to a sign that says no flash photography. So um yeah, I don’t have any pictures for this one.

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Total-Take-Back: The Breast Pump Debacle

My sister chucked her breast pump at the wall. I can only imagine the frustration a mother like her must feel, trying to provide food for her screaming infant to no avail …

Breast Pump

Breast Pump

Broken Wall

The wall. She actually bent the metal, breaking the pump and ricocheting the pieces into the back of her closet.

The batteries were dead.

 

 

 

 

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Total-Take-Backs: Press On Nails

So I decided to do some press on nails because I am too cheap for a manicure.

1. I didn’t know I could trim them. So I looked like this.

Really. It looked like this.

Really. It looked like this.

2. One went missing when I was making dinner.

hmmm...

hmmm…

So then I had nine.

The Mystery of the Missing Nail

The Mystery of the Missing Nail

Not cool…

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Total-Take-Back: Gone With The Wind

Here’s the thing. Gone With The Wind is one of my mother’s favorite films, if not the favorite. She had the book, she had the videos and she eventually had the dvds. I saw the covers. And yes, I do judge things by their covers. I saw the guy who gets the girl embracing with the sun setting behind them and knew how the story goes. I read the synopsis on the back and it didn’t take much guesswork to fill in the gaps, let alone the ending.

Gone With The Wind

Gone With The Wind (http://web.calstatela.edu/library/mmc/100/~g3.htm)

Besides, growing up in the 80s and 90s, the phenomena that was Gone With The Wind had been around for over fifty years. It was ingrained in pop culture. Everyone knew the story of a snobby Southern Belle named Scarlett and her roguishly debonair lover/foe Rhett Butler.  Thanks to Carol Burnett, we knew she wore curtains for a dress. We knew Scarlett would “never be hungry again.” Kids on playgrounds everywhere would say, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn” (it was a way of getting away with swearing because you were quoting a classic).

If you were aware of all of this, you were also aware of how ridiculously long the book and the film are. Like The Wizard of Oz, no need to waste your time when you knew the happily ever after.

Except there was no happily ever after. WHAT?!! Continue reading

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