I’m not really a law breaker. I don’t count speeding. Anyone that knows me well knows that I take those little white roadside boards with numbers scrawled in black Highway Gothic as mere guidelines or gentle suggestions provided by our government, not as actual rules or laws to live by. That said, over the years, I’ve done a lot of stupid things and probably broken more rules then I care to admit, but there was a time I was a rule follower who would never have dreamt of breaking the law (other than bending those suggested guidelines, of course). That was until Jason Michael Brown and I went to see Titanic. In fact, that’s probably where my future rebellion began – thanks, Jason, for that.

It had to be 1997. I’d already seen the epic fail that was Titanic once; I can’t remember who with. If it was you, I apologize for forgetting. I honestly tried to wipe the entire experience from memory, so please don’t be too offended. I’d wasted three hours of my life watching it with you, and for that you should be commended or remembered at the very least, but then I’m quite certain it was your idea we see it, so I don’t feel so bad for erasing our movie moment from my mind.

Me

Which now brings me to the viewing encounter I unfortunately do recall. My cousin Jason had wanted to see Titanic. The movie had been out for a while and he hadn’t seen it yet. And before you mock him for being a dude that wanted to see Titanic (because that’s what I did), 1. His guy friends had already gone. Everyone saw it where I lived. 2. I remind you that we lived in Podunksville, USA. Population maybe 1200 with nothing to do as a teenager other than catch a flick at the theater a town or two over or tip cows after the football games on Friday nights. We saw a LOT of movies. Despite these two facts, because I hated the movie so much, I was inclined to decline but he convinced me. I probably owed him a favor of some sort. Or maybe I could suffer once more to see  Leo’s pretty face on that big silver screen. Regardless, before I fully comprehended this commitment, we were pulling into Linway Plaza.

It was winter (although in Northern Indiana that could still mean May) because Jason had on this ridiculously oversized down coat. It was practically the size of him. We’d gotten our tickets and I’d asked him if he wanted any concessions before we headed to get our seats. He said there was no need. Ok.

As we headed to our theater he stopped in the hallway just outside the door and grabbed the front of his  coat like he was about to pull a Paul Reubens or one of those dirty New York City street dudes from our favorite 1980’s films who’d open his coat sharing  totally illegal off-the-back-of-a-truck type watches and other wares for you to buy at deeply discounted prices. These were the thoughts flittering through my mind while watching wide-eyed as Jason opened the now shady looking coat that was about to swallow him whole.

I looked down at what he was trying to secretly show me and it was a super large bag of Twizzlers. Once my brain finally caught up, my heart skipped a beat. We were smuggling something into the movie theater.  Are you kidding me? We could get caught. We could go to jail. We would be hoodlums! Worst of all we could be banned from seeing movies in that theater FOREVER!!!

Me again.

The potential for permanent banishment from my one and only escape in the sticks had me practically hyperventilating.

Me in panic mode.

This could not be happening. My cousin and I were breaking the law. Now in hindsight, it was really more of a rule than a law, but when you’re 16, naïve and a rule follower, things like that seemed like the law and no matter which it really was, we could still get banned from my favorite establishment within a 40 mile radius. Oh, and my dad would be pissed. So there was that, too.

I slowly trailed Jason into the theater  to grab our seats, still in panic mode. I couldn’t believe he snuck Twizzlers into the theater. This was going to be our end. I could see it now, some snot-nosed teen actually choosing to do his job by catching us and reporting us which would inevitably lead to the Sheriff  coming to get us and hauling us to the Big House.  Why, God, why?!!! And all for TITANIC for crying out loud!!! Forget college and marriage and babies. We were going to have criminal records and never be allowed into the local cinema again. It may not have been my Twizzlers, but I was a co-conspirator at that point, reluctant co-conspirator perhaps, but co-conspirator nonetheless. I was anxiously racking my brain with how to get out of this one. Could I throw my cousin under the bus? Take a deal, rat him out and let him take the fall by his lonesome? I didn’t even like Twizzlers that much!   

I couldn’t sell him out. He was my friend and family above all else. We were in it together at that point. So I sat through another three hours of torturous music, pitiful plot points, and a depressing  but not so surprising ending,  all while swearing the fuzz was about to bust us at any minute. I think there were actual beads of sweat working their way down the back of my neck while Jason sat there thoroughly enjoying Jack’s antics and Celine’s sweet voice, sucking on his damn Twizzlers, without a care in the world.

Upon reflection, my reaction may have been more like a response one would have to seeing someone with a coat full of cocaine. It could have been a tad rash and a bit over the top given what he actually had hidden, but you can’t help how you feel or how your brain processes information, nor how you cope in crises, no matter what age you are. Especially your first time breaking the LAW (if it was a law).

It’s funny how we compartmentalize. I’d been trespassing on property and vandalizing houses with toilet paper  and other sundries since my tween years, which honest to God could have gotten me arrested and sent to jail,  yet I sat for 180 minutes in a theater wondering who my one phone call would be, certain that my life was completely over, all because of a bag of Twizzlers and Titanic. Leo’s pretty face was not enough.

Not. Enough. (okaay … maybe enough)

I will never forget the Bonnie and Clyde moment I shared with my cousin that day. It’s hilarious thinking about it now versus how I thought and felt about it then.  Growth, I guess? Or I’ve just done so many more idiotic things over the years that smuggling some Twizzlers into a movie theater isn’t even a blip on my most ridiculous moments radar. Not even close.