Drunk, sober, or otherwise, there is never a good reason for a grown man to do this. (courtesy of Ms.Politico)
Category Archives: Total-Take-Backs
Total-Take-Backs: Press On Nails
So I decided to do some press on nails because I am too cheap for a manicure.
1. I didn’t know I could trim them. So I looked like this.
Really. It looked like this.
2. One went missing when I was making dinner.
hmmm…
So then I had nine.
The Mystery of the Missing Nail
Not cool…
Total-Take-Back: Gone With The Wind
Here’s the thing. Gone With The Wind is one of my mother’s favorite films, if not the favorite. She had the book, she had the videos and she eventually had the dvds. I saw the covers. And yes, I do judge things by their covers. I saw the guy who gets the girl embracing with the sun setting behind them and knew how the story goes. I read the synopsis on the back and it didn’t take much guesswork to fill in the gaps, let alone the ending.
Gone With The Wind (http://web.calstatela.edu/library/mmc/100/~g3.htm)
Besides, growing up in the 80s and 90s, the phenomena that was Gone With The Wind had been around for over fifty years. It was ingrained in pop culture. Everyone knew the story of a snobby Southern Belle named Scarlett and her roguishly debonair lover/foe Rhett Butler. Thanks to Carol Burnett, we knew she wore curtains for a dress. We knew Scarlett would “never be hungry again.” Kids on playgrounds everywhere would say, “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn” (it was a way of getting away with swearing because you were quoting a classic).
If you were aware of all of this, you were also aware of how ridiculously long the book and the film are. Like The Wizard of Oz, no need to waste your time when you knew the happily ever after.
Except there was no happily ever after. WHAT?!! Continue reading
Total-Take-Back: I Offended Superman At The Grocery Store
I was in the supermarket the other day, emerging from the soy milk aisle, when another cart halted just in time to prevent a colossal cart crash. I heard the person behind the cart make that squealing brake sound. You know, that “eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrtttt”. Love this guy already. I always make the eeeeerrrrttt sound with my cart at the grocery store (even if it’s just in my head).
Anyway, standing there was this man that totally looked like a Con-goer stopping just in time with his little girl in the cart seat. I barely noticed because all I could see was the giant Superman shirt he had on.
It made me smile. Ok. It made me laugh. But not in a “I’m totally mocking you because I’m an unmitigated snob kind of way”, more like a chuckle that says “I’m a geek, too! I absolutely appreciate your awesome way of owning your stereotype, man!”
However, what I actually said out loud was, “heh, heh. Superman. Hey, way to save the day.”
It happened in a flash but it was long enough for me to process the dude’s eye roll and the penetrating disdain swallowing his face.
Wait! I think I may have offended the man. SO not what I was trying to do! I liked his shirt, it made me laugh, and he moved out of the way faster than a speeding bullet …
I had to clarify. As I walked away I threw out, “I like your shirt —- Superman.”
Yeah. So he looked pretty disgusted with me on all levels at that point as he stormed off toward the ice cream case.
Being misunderstood is pretty much a guaranteed total-take-back. And if you are out there reading this blog post -I’m sorry, Superman. I’m sorry I sounded like a condescending jerk. You actually made my day.
Total-Take-Back: Pegged Pants
I don’t take-back playing elementary school basketball, even if I sucked at it, because it was fun. But pegged pants? Yeah, we should be ashamed of ourselves.
Total-Take-Back: Maryland Crabcakes
A man going the extra mile for some Maryland crabcakes … OR a very perceptive waiter. You make the call.
Total-Take-Back: Super Bowl XLVIII
Including commercials. It was just like watching Titanic. 3 1/2 hours of my life I will NEVER get back.
Oh the humanity!
When Life Gives You Snow, Make Snowmenade!
Snow. I’ve said it before – snow is that beautiful white fluffy stuff that blankets your yard, makes the air crisp and silences unwanted clatter. It makes me feel home.
Other Atlantans disagree. Because things like this happen.
A hiccup. (Ben Gray/Atlanta Journal-Constitution/AP Photo) from http://abcnews.go.com/US/slideshow/southern-snow-storm-22280146
Which leads to this.
A gulp. (Ben Gray/Atlanta Journal-Constitution/AP Photo) from http://abcnews.go.com/US/slideshow/southern-snow-storm-22280146
And then this.
Reckless abandon. Like literal reckless abandon. (David Tulis/AP Photo) from http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/30/us/winter-weather/
Total-Take-Back: Bored Snowbound Georgians
Perhaps just this once – if the house is a rockin’, maybe you should stop.
Total-Take-Back: In The Mouth Of Madness (Kansas Style)
I love scary movies. I particularly like psychological thrillers. Blood and guts? Meh. Mind-blown and goosebumps? Gets me every time. In The Mouth of Madness has stuck with me for years. Actually one of the scarier films for me to date. The movie has grossly etched two things forever in my mind:
- Some small creepy kid saying, “It’s Mommy’s Day!” – etched because I was watching it in the wee hours of the morning on Mother’s Day with friends. Scared the crap out of us! And kids in scary movies are always creepy.
- This totally warped scene of a young/old freaky dude on a bike in the boondocks with playing cards clothes-pinned to his tires. All you could hear was “click, click, click, click, click, click, click.”
Recently Clifford and I were driving through Bufu, Kansas at about 3 in the morning. I was suddenly reliving that scene from the movie, but this time in real life!
Scene from the movie. screenshot taken from horrordigest.blogspot.com
