Author Archives: Lib

I am in Florida.

I am in Florida. I am working, but trying to have a few adventures while I’m here. My goal is to hit up some quirky roadside attractions and the best BBQ or off the beaten path food joints I can find. I am using the SAGA app by ARO to log all of my destinations, travel notes, and photos. You can follow along with me daily there, or wait till I get around to blogging it.

Hit me up if you have any suggestions of good places to stop, my friendly Floridians. I’m hoping to hit Yee-Haw Junction somewhere along the way. Because how could I not?

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Throw-Back-Monday: Public Restrooms – A Hate/Hate Relationship

I was reminded of today’s throw-back while preparing for a trip to Florida later in the week. It’s a thing on my mind with any impending trip, really.

Public Restrooms. Not. A. Fan. Why?

tandem toilets

Almost like Sochi – every time.

I avoid them like the plague, as I imagine most people do. However, when a girl has got to go, she’s got to go. And that means beggars can’t be choosers.

Public restrooms in the US are bad enough, but at least there’s a familiarity about them. As torturous as they can be, there are relatively few surprises. A few years ago (ok, a lot of years ago), I had the opportunity to live abroad. Spending an entire summer in Italy meant I wasn’t going to be able to hold it all day just so I could use the throne at home. It meant venturing into the unknown. Entering stalls in a foreign land – literally a foreign land. My bum was about to receive a cultural awakening.

So it was a different sort of experience … I did enjoy how many places had a “closet” to enter into instead of a stall. The toilets were relatively similar, not so different from our own. And those “occupied” signs next to the door handles were so cute!

About halfway through the summer, I’d hit my groove. I was basically a resident Italian and my public restroom thing was becoming a thing of the past. So I thought.

One night I was in a club with my friend Lucia and nature came calling. I headed to the bathroom. Unlike the clubs and bars I’d been to in the States, and even most of the ones I’d been to in other clubs in Italy, this particular one had no line. I didn’t think anything of it, really, till I walked in.

It was this large open room. I couldn’t find any stalls. I walked out and checked the door, to make sure I had entered the right room and I had. As I reentered, looking around, suddenly I saw it across the way. There in the middle of the floor was a hole. Just a hole. Surely that wasn’t … I mean, how could this be … the toilet?

A Hole

I don’t think so.

Yeah, I passed. Didn’t drink another drop and held it all the way home. I don’t regret it for a second.

I will never take-back NOT peeing in a hole in some floorboards in a random dance club in Italy. That’s a fact.

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A Quest: Searching For The Best BBQ In Kansas City

I accosted a man on the street just to get some Kansas City BBQ. Correction – the BEST Kansas City BBQ the world had to offer. 

But let me start from the beginning…

Over the years I’ve grown to enjoy a good barbecued meal here or there, though I’ve never considered myself an aficionado by any stretch of the imagination. 

I live in the South. BBQ is like air to these people. I was going to succumb at some point; it was only a matter of when. Why fight it? So I began catching those pit master shows now and again. I learned the difference between Carolina BBQ and Memphis BBQ and Texas BBQ and so on and so forth. I was cultivating a healthy curiosity about smoked and grilled meats, if you will. My favorite BBQ to date has been from The Salt Lick just outside of Austin, Texas. To me, they do it right. And you can bring your own beer. However, I think I’ve found a tough contender for the title of “My Favorite BBQ”.

When Clifford and I found ourselves driving from Atlanta to Colorado last fall, and I realized we would be driving directly through Kansas City, it was a no-brainer. Clifford became hungry in St. Louis. I made him wait – for four hours. He couldn’t understand why just any place in Kansas wouldn’t do to get some good BBQ. He said, “It’s their thing, right?” I tried to explain that to not get Kansas City BBQ when you are actually driving through Kansas City was like sacrilegious. So he starved while I quested for some good  eats. It happens.

The next important thing? I couldn’t just Google “best BBQ in Kansas City”. I needed a local recommendation. So there we were, driving through Kansas City just after a rain storm. It looked deserted to be quite honest even though it was late a Friday afternoon.

“I’m seriously not just driving around for the next hour. You need to figure this shit out,” said my hungry husband. “I’m looking for people. Like street people. I don’t want to go into a building and ask just anyone. I need to find myself a real person of the city, ” I said.

We drove around. A one-way street, then the next. We were doing circles. Suddenly I spotted him. A guy in a purple sweatshirt. He was walking from one crosswalk to the other. “Pull over!!!! Here!!! HERE!!! I want to ask that guy!” I screamed, pointing at the man. Clifford, “ Are you serious?!!! You want me to just pull over in the middle of the street so you can ask that guy about BBQ?!” he screamed back. “Yes!” I said. “This is it; I can feel it!”

Clifford pulled over and I jumped out. I ran up the street to the only man we’d seen walking around in such crappy weather. I think I scared the bejesus out of him. I darted right to him, he jumped. I was thisclose as I asked, “If you had one hour in Kansas City for the best BBQ of your life, where do you go?” Startled at first, the guy answered immediately, “Oklahoma Joe’s.” There were a few locations, but he told me he recommended the original. It would be 20 minutes out of our way, but well worth it, he assured me. He said he it was so good he couldn’t even suggest a backup because nothing else came close to Oklahoma Joe’s.

I was sold just as a car drove through the biggest puddle imaginable drenching us both. The things we go through in the pursuit of the best BBQ (sigh). I thanked Jason (I did ask his name since we had become intimately acquainted after all) and was on my way.

pig sign

Recommended by random Jason on a street corner in downtown Kansas City.

Clifford begrudgingly drove the 20 minutes out of our way because I promised him the Kansas City BBQ of his dreams. We reached our destination and sat in the car staring at a gas station. Seriously?

But then we noticed, there was a line building out the door. This was the place. I looked at him and said, “No take backs, buddy. Let’s eat.”

Oklahoma Joe’s is attached to a gas station. We stood in line to place our order while glancing at the convenience store shelves to the left. It was pretty funny, actually. The place was packed and it was only 3 o’clock in the afternoon. There was a roll of paper towel and a couple of sauces sitting on the tables. That was it. It was a very simple bbq joint. We placed our order and lucked out with a seat.

Standing in line to place our order.

Standing in line to place our order.

The food was amazing! We both got the brisket and ribs dinner. Beer and BBQ – the perfect combination.

Beer and BBQ

Beer, brisket and ribs with some rings and a side of slaw. Perfect for a rainy day. Or ANY day.

The sauce was perfect. The meat was savory and SO tender to the touch. It melted in my mouth.

Libby taking a bite

A rib about to be consumed by yours truly.

Oklahoma Joe’s had to be the best Kansas City BBQ in the state. I was in love. I found out today that Oklahoma Joe’s ranks number 3 on Yelp’s list of ‘Top 100 places to eat’. I can agree with that evaluation. If you are ever within three or four hours of Kansas City, take the detour to Oklahoma Joe’s. You won’t regret it.

Oklahoma Joe's

Oklahoma Joe’s

Thank you, Jason, wherever you are, for letting me accost you at that crosswalk on that rainy day and offering up the best recommendation ever!

 

 

 

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Total-Take-Back: Pegged Pants

6th grade Basketball

I don’t take-back playing elementary school basketball, even if I sucked at it, because it was fun. But pegged pants? Yeah, we should be ashamed of ourselves.

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Throw-Back-Monday: The Best Little Chow Chow In Georgia

This weekend marked the one year anniversary of letting go of my best friend. We all have them. They come in all shapes, sizes and forms. Mine was Churchill, a purebred Chow. He was my world. He was my closest companion for thirteen years. I owe him the world for his unconditional loyalty and love. Churchill – this one’s for you.

King Churchill. Ruler of all.

King of all.

I was living in Savannah. If you’ve ever been, then you know it’s gorgeous. What you may not know is the crime rate per capita is off the charts. I’d had a few scary encounters myself and had decided that getting an intimidating cohort could be a very good thing.

However, Clifford did not approve. I didn’t need a dog he said. Of course I did, I said. We know where this is headed.

We were in Atlanta visiting his folks. I think he was doing some work for his dad, actually. His sister Toni is as big of an animal lover as I am, if not more so. And don’t get me wrong, Clifford loves animals. He loves them more than people (no really, he does), but he thought the timing was bad. Well I didn’t.

While Clifford was at work, Toni grabbed the paper. She found 8 week old Chow Chow puppies for sale about twenty minutes away. We made a quick call and then hopped in Toni’s car to see the pups that were for sale.

As we approached the breeders’ home, the area had gotten a little less appealing. We eventually found ourselves in front of an unkempt little shack with a fenced-in yard and a driveway, like the rest of the lawn, that hadn’t been mowed – in like ever. The entire property was a total shambles.

We exited the car and approached the fence. I quickly scanned our surroundings. It was the most bizarre scene, really. There were two identical shiny new Ford Taurus cars in the “drive”– one tan and one blue. They didn’t quite fit in with the whole run-down hovel sitting before us. Then the identical twin breeders exited their abode. They were a carbon copy of each other from head to toe. They looked to be in their fifties or sixties. They had on identical yellow smiley face t-shirts with identical shorts. They were missing the exact same teeth (which were many). They had the exact same hair styles. At least what was left of their hair. They were balding in identical spots. They even had identical facial hair from their mustaches to their tiny goatees. And … they were women.

I had to look away.

As I looked down, the lone black puppy in a sea of orange had bee-lined it straight to me.

Are you kidding? Adorable to the nth degree.

The lone black pup that bee-lined it straight to me.

He grabbed my pant leg with his tiny little teeth and tugged. I stared at the puppy and he stared back at me, and I knew in that moment we needed each other. He needed to be saved from the creepy twighlight-zone-hell into which he’d been born. I needed the cutest thing I’d ever seen to be my constant companion. To top it off,  he kept pulling on my pants as if to say, “Lady! Take me away! Please! Look around! You can’t leave me here with these dudes”.  I was sold. This kid had spunk and at just 8 weeks, was clearly smart enough to realize that those two identical twins were ripped right out of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.

So Toni and I took the baby boy home. He was the most adorable precious puppy you have ever seen! Now the only hurdle was getting Clifford on board. I knew the moment he saw that fluffy little furball, he would melt.  But just in case, I hid the puppy in a bedrom upstairs. When Clifford got home, I did what any girl would do and explained how I had a special surprise for him. I bought him a present.

Clifford eyed me suspiciously, but the instant I opened the door and he looked down, he was smitten. Then I told him that he would get to name the puppy – because it was for him. Churchill the little tike became.

Me with the the love of my life. (sorry Clifford)

Me with the the love of my life. (sorry Clifford)

Clifford bathing our sweet baby boy.

Clifford washing our sweet baby boy.

The bathing beauty.

The bathing beauty.

Churchill

He had my hair …

Churchill on the roadtrip

He was spunky, too! He took every road trip to Indiana with me for 13 years.

Churchill and Reagan - with one of his worst haircuts ever!

Churchill with Reagan – one of his worst haircuts ever!

An adorable little puppy stole our hearts that day and grew into the most intelligent, most wonderful dog, or rather best friend, we could have ever asked for. Yes, I still have nightmares about those identical twins in their smiley face shirts, but I can accept that because of the beautiful gift they gave me. A day, and a dog, that I wouldn’t take-back if my life depended on it.

Churchill

Churchill. My everything.

So what is your furry friend no-take-back?  Send it in!

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A Dinner To Remember (guest post)

Today’s guest post has been submitted by community member Shaun Sandy. I have known Shaun since I was 17 years old. He is one my nearest and dearest friends in the world, and I am so glad you have an opportunity to see just one of the many things that make him so amazing. 

Sometimes getting small details (or large facts) wrong can preserve a memory far better than had all gone to plan. I have proven this on often, and without calamitous repercussions.

This short tale is an example of the truism that I refer to. My wife and I were married very nearly 10 years ago and I had it set in my mind that the French Rivera was the place for a honeymoon, and being one fond of italics and prone to act on impulse (a bit), I set about arranging an unforgettable holiday, I went to town and booked sight-seeing trips, visits to wineries, perfumeries, out of the way places and restaurants. I am very fond of restaurants and wanted to get the most interesting ones I could find booked and on the list.

We flew out from Gatwick airport on a rainy English morning and landed a few hours later in the wonderfully warm, sunny and friendly city of Nice, which is yes… very nice, aside the dog poop every 10 paces’. I find the French in that part of France love their handbag size dogs, but they don’t pick up after them. I digress; we were booked in to a hotel in Cannes, which I had arranged a transfer to. So with not much time to absorb Nice we were off to Cannes, which really isn’t very far.

We arrived at the fantastic Hotel Gray d’Albion (highly recommend staying here, if you’re in that part of the world.). Got the bags unpacked and went for drinks and a late lunch on the terrace. The afternoons’ golden light drew in and we went for a walk through the older part of the town and along the beach. That sounds more romantic than it actually was, the old town is great, but the beaches are all unofficially owned by the hotels, and they put ropes around their chosen sections. So the walk was more of an obstacle course come hurdles event. As the sun began to sink, my thoughts turned to the very interesting restaurant I had booked.

Cannes

The evening closing in as we headed back to the hotel.

We’d head back to the hotel, get changed and stroll to the restaurant (The Brasserie Flo).  The Brasserie Flo is actually a theatre that has been converted into a restaurant, with the stage converted to a kitchen. The stage has been sealed off by a sound proof glass wall, so you can see what is going on, but don’t get the noise and steam accumulating at your table. Interesting concept.

The Brasserie Flo

The Brasserie Flo

Back at the hotel we changed and in our dinner best, headed down to reception where my idea was to get walking directions from a knowledgable local.

Walking to the desk I confidentially asked the receptionist the way to the Brasserie Flo.

“Monsieur, will you be going by car?” said the helpful guy.

The world started to move slightly from under my feet, my idea of an easy amble to a local eatery started to crack around the edges.

“How long would it take to walk there?” I asked.

“Walk, ah well Monsieur zat would not be a good idea.” Came his reply. I slipped further toward panic, as the cracks in my imagination became chasms.

“Well, how should I get there and how long will it take?” I humbly asked, with a clearly ignorant tourist look on my face.

“Let us see the schedule for za TGV, Monsieur, and zen I will be able to tell you precisely.”

Now bear in mind, I am trying desperately to be the hero of my new wife’s dreams, so this scrambling for a TGV timetable plays out as just part of the evenings plan.   I don’t at this point know what a TGV is, but the acting put on made it look like old hat, and part of the plan. I’m still telling myself that.

(I discovered that the TGV is a train network in France, and that the trains are very quick.)

After consulting a guide, the guy from reception looked up and said with a calm air about him,

‘If you are quick, there will be a train in 7 minutes from za station, straight to Nice If you miss zat, you will be waiting for one hour. Za trip she takes 15 minutes”

A number of things registered in my mind at that point, in sequence they were, I’m so glad this guy speaks English, Nice, 7 minutes.

So the reservation was for 8, it was now 7 ish, no option but to get the next train.

This wasn’t going to be a romantic stroll; it was a charge as fast as high heels would carry my wife. The station is uphill from the hotel and the best part of a mile. No time for cabs, split and run was the only option.

So we found ourselves running up hill in our best clothes for a train that until that moment I’d not heard of, going back to the city we’d left 4 or so hours earlier. We did make the train and I can say that the TGV trains are the best I have been on. We also then made it to the restaurant on time. Great meal and brilliant evening.

The Brasserie Flo

Shaun with his new wife Maria.

Would I take it back and work all of the details out beforehand, never!

 

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Throw-Back-Monday: A Free Ride

It was Chicago, 1997. It was beautiful, but then Chicago always is. The combination of snow, the Windy City, and December are pure perfection in my book. I was going to meet my good friend Andy. I had met Andy when I was a sophomore in high school at a leadership camp somewhere in Indiana. Though we only knew each other for four days, and lived two hours apart, we had become fast friends.

Andy and me

Andy and Me. Fast friends. What a charmer.

On the way to see Andy, I had met my old tennis pal Tom in South Bend.

Tom and me, Attending Notre Dame was his own flaw.

Tom and me. Tennis pals.

He was a freshman at Notre Dame (I forgave him for that). See, Andy had a modeling thing in the city. I think he had won a contest and this was the Big Show. So Tom and I took the train to Chi Town to support one of the coolest guys I know.

While Andy did his modeling thing, Tom and I toured around town, though we were forced to pause for Notre Dame’s kick off. We stopped in the middle of the Magnificent Mile so Tom could flail his arm about while making nonsensical groans (insert eye roll and add another tally mark to the “reasons why I loathe Notre Dame”).  When he was done, we continued about our day until it was time to meet Andy at his hotel.

Andy demonstrating his modeling thing to us.

Andy demonstrating his modeling thing to us.

We were primed to hit the city in a big way. All of 17, 18 and 19 years of age, we did what any red-blooded American teenagers from the sticks would do in the third largest city in the states – we headed to a theme restaurant like Planet Hollywood or the Rainforest Café (c’mon, it was the 90’s). A girl from Andy’s school, who had also won the contest, joined us, too.

Now I don’t know exactly how it came about, but I remember being on a street corner when it happened. We might have been heading back to the hotel or to the train station. Tom and I still needed to get home after all and returns to South Bend were few and far between. Regardless, as we were laughing and enjoying the crisp evening air, there it was.

A gorgeous long white limousine pulled up to the curb. The driver beckoned us to get in.

Yeah, right.

No, no, he said. It was free.

Yeah, right.

No really. It was free.

Hmmm…

We looked at each other. Heck yeah! I know I’d never been in a limo before. Caution be damned, we jumped right in.

In the limo.

In the limo.

So let me preface this with the fact that I have no idea where he took us, nor how long we were on that ride as time ceased to be. I presume he drove us to Andy’s hotel, but I can’t quite recall. What I do remember is traveling around Chicago with an open roof. Chicago. An open roof. December. Snow. We were hanging out the rooftop of a limousine in winter in downtown Chicago. Just take a moment to let that sink in … The coolest architecture in the country. Skyscrapers on all sides. Cool air on our faces. Christmas lights shimmering in the windows. Street lights dancing in a row. Wind in our hair. Lots of wind, actually. Lots of wind. It was exhilarating, inspiring and breathtaking all at once.

View from the open roof in a MOVING LIMO.

View from the open roof in a MOVING LIMO.

We played with the glasses.

The mini bar fully loaded with a modern tv.

The mini bar fully loaded with a state-of-the-art tv.

We caressed the leather seats. We laughed until we cried.

Laughing till we cried.

Laughing till we cried.

It was the ride of our lives. And our driver, whose name I hate to admit has long since been forgotten, was the man of the hour.

Man of the hour.

Man of the hour.

Whether he was on a break and thought he could pick up a little extra cash, or whether he simply intended to make a great night for some small town teens from the Hoosier state, we will never know.

When he dropped us off and we asked how much, he repeated that it was free. We gathered all the cash we had – a whopping $11 – and handed it to him, thanking him profusely. We felt so bad. Surely one of the most amazing moments in our history was worth more than $11, but he said it was his pleasure. Looking at the smile on his face, I kind of believe it was.

The Man of the Hour took our picture outside the limousine.

The Man of the Hour took our picture outside the limousine.

Back to reality, we realized Tom and I were running late for the train. We said our good-byes then ran at least half of the way to the station (we had no cash for a cab). The Chicago cold winter wind now pierced our lungs and stung our faces.

At last, we made it to the station and … we’d missed the last train to South Bend. The best we could do? Michigan City. Which meant my dad had to come pick us up an hour and a half from home in the middle of an ice storm. LOVE him for doing that, and not totally hating us for creating such a bind (he was still less than thrilled, however). In this case, it was absolutely worth missing the train (though my father may disagree).

Sometimes the smallest seed of kindness can last a lifetime. You may never see its fruit or its full impact, but it does bear fruit and it does have an impact. And one day, you, too, may miss your train in order to seize the day. Accept it for what it is. Just ride the wave and you won’t regret it.

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A Love Story

I don’t really think Valentine’s Day is the end all be all, but as most of you are celebrating it today (with ridiculous enthusiasm), I thought I should dedicate a post to it. So here it is – my no-take-back understanding that we all love in different ways. And that’s ok.

My husband is not a flower-giving, hand-holding, cuddly-canoodler, spend–spare-time-with-me, fun-loving, romantic–in-any-way-shape-or-form kind of guy. He is the complete antithesis of any of that. Does it bother me? Of course it does. And he knows it. We are total social and romantic opposites. But we are a love story all the same.

Here’s the thing – I’m a girl. So I do this – “Sweetie, I love you so much! Let’s go to dinner.” Clifford’s response? “No. There’s people there.” Did I forget to mention he hates people? So, still a girl, I do this  – “Honey? Want to go to a movie?” He says – “No. Why would we do that?”  Let’s add in about a million other examples of these type scenarios transpiring over eight years of marriage… a girl tends to question if the guy actually loves her or if he has just found a roommate for life (and one that doesn’t really cook and clean very well, I might add).

Well my guy loves me. But I have to remind myself it’s in a different way. I want sweet nothings whispered in my ear. I want snuggling. I want grand gestures. Well, one out of three ain’t bad.

A few of those gestures:

In college, I had a Pre-Columbian art history final to produce. It was a tribal mask made of clay. I don’t do clay. I don’t sculpt. And yes, maybe I had had two months to get it done but was just starting it at 7PM the day before it was due? Regardless, I carved my little heart out that night.  It took me hours and hours, but it was done. I was pretty proud actually. I just needed to bake it and paint it. It blew up in the oven. As I sat, completely devastated that my procrastination had somehow failed me, Clifford grabbed the extra clay and made me an identical mask. It took him hours as well, but less hours than it took me. It came out of the oven just in time for me to paint it before heading to class. He was my hero.

tribal mask

The mask that demonstrated Cliff’ord’s love for me. It took hours and hours. And yes, it’s supposed to look like a five year old made it, people. It’s Pre-Columbian.

He surprised me with a trip to Universal Studios for my 21st birthday – my lifelong dream.

He built me a studio so I can illustrate.

an art studio

He built me this studio.

He built me doors to keep the dogs out of my studio.

studio doors

The doors look like bamboo because of the technique he used to make them. This picture doesn’t do them justice.

He built me a light table so I can trace with ease.

My beautiful light table.

My beautiful light table.

He has driven over an hour every November to cut me down a Christmas tree even though I know he HATES it and the holidays.

He roasted a pig for my brother’s 40th birthday in Florida in 98 degree heat. And he HATES Florida. AND heat. AND he got super sick which means he missed out on eating any of what he roasted.

And this week, he drove up to Northern Indiana, packed my parents’ entire house in a Budget truck, by himself, in -22 degree weather, in an asinine amount of snow, missing one of Atlanta’s rare snow storms (he LOVES snow storms) only to have the truck breakdown north of Nashville, basically delaying (for another few hours) a man who hadn’t slept for 48 straight. All of this for in-laws mind you, not even his own flesh and blood …if that isn’t love, if that isn’t a grand gesture, I don’t know what is. He is dubbed “The Man” in my phone contacts for a reason.

The Man

The Man

It may not be what I think I want in terms of romance, but it is what he gives me. The next time I decide to have a fit that my husband isn’t doing something I want, or I’m upset he chose not to participate, I need to remember those things. He shows his love differently than I do.  And even though it is different, it is just as heartfelt and just as pure.

So what’s your love story? Do you have a perfect match? Or maybe your tale involves the one that got away? Love stories are some of the best no-take-backs there are. I want to share yours.

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Total-Take-Back: Maryland Crabcakes

maryland crabcakes

A man going the extra mile for some Maryland crabcakes … OR a very perceptive waiter. You make the call.

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Throw-Back-Monday: Teepeeing Is Not An Amateur’s Game

Have you ever been so clever, so covert in a personal top secret op, that there was no way you would ever get caught? Let me tell you a little story …

Again, I found myself reminiscing about the good old days in the Hoosier state. If I haven’t explained it very well before, I grew up in a small rural villagein Northern Indiana, about 20 minutes from Michigan and not far from South Bend (aka Notre Dame). I say village because we weren’t incorporated and had only the county Sheriff as the means of regulation.

Things to do in a place like New Paris? Grow corn. Admire the Amish. Tip cows. Go to Walmart.Watch the grass grow. Farm things. These hardly create the multi-cultural habitat one yearns for in their angst-ridden adolescent years. While teens in Chicago were visiting dance clubs and concerts in their backyard on a daily basis, in my area those activities were typically relegated to once a month, if you were lucky, and involved driving a great distance to do so.

So what was our escape? Some drove to the nearest town and caught a movie. Some arranged a pick-up football game in their backyard. One of the most popular pastimes? Teepeeing houses (or as they say down South – “rolling”).

I know my friends and I became experts. In fact, if you were worth your weight at all, you developed a flawless technique when tossing the toilet paper into the trees. You could always tell when a less experienced individual had joined your group. The paper would tear easily leaving short streamers, or, God-forbid, they’d actually get an entire roll stuck up in a tree. Wasteful noobs.

These were in and out jobs. You needed to be cunning and quick. If you made the slightest noise, it could be over in a flash. No matter how out of shape you were, if you wanted to teepee, you had to be able to run and run like your life depended on it. Unless you had skills like my friends and I had. Why run if you could execute a flawless mission every time?

One perfect fall evening – Darewood and I were bored. What to do what to do? Who hadn’t been hit in a while? Who wouldn’t suspect us? Who wouldn’t see it coming? Easy call that night – our good buddy Eric. Now Eric is the poster child for “nicest guy in the world.” No really, he should have a medal or a tattoo making that declaration so. And he is extremely photogenic, so having his face on a poster would be really soft on the eyes.

Anyway, we needed to gather supplies. Two of the cheapest people in all of Indiana, and WAY too lazy to make the drive to Walmart, we hunted around the house. What could we use? Darewood had a roll or two from his house and I had one or two from my house. We had to be sparing when using our parents’ supplies or they’d know something was amiss. Then we found a bottle of baby powder. Never used it before, but hey? Why not? And finally a Hawaiian lei. Where it came from, we have no idea. But was it going to be hilarious getting Eric, of all people, “leied”? You bet! Probably because we had such an evolved sense of humor for our age. I thank 90’s Jim Carey films for that.

toilet paper, baby powder, hawaiian lei

Our supplies.

Now Darewood and I had teepeeing down to a science. We knew when the targets and their families would be asleep. We knew what trees would be the easiest to hit. We knew where the loud noises could happen, giving us away. We were stealth and we were ruthless.

So we headed to Eric’s house, parking where we wouldn’t be seen and had at it. Honestly, and I don’t think I’m being bias when I say this, when we teepeed, it was a work of art. We took our time making sure to leave the longest flowing streams of toilet paper imaginable. We artistically left the lei on Eric’s trampoline which had been freshly sprinkled with baby powder, almost like the first flakes of snow in a storm. It was beautiful. We were done. Another home decorated by the professional toilet paper stylings of Darewood and Libby.

teepeed tree

Another masterpiece.

There was one tiny little hiccup – Darewood’s kryptonite? Trampolines. He could never pass up jumping on one. As we were leaving our masterpiece, Darewood bounded across the trampoline. Everything was in slow motion as I cried out “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”.

Trampoline

Darewood’s kryptonite.

All of our effort was for naught ……. but what was this? No one stirred. The lights in the house remained dark. Were we going to be ok? Had we pulled it off? Why yes, we had. Even with Darewood’s weakness wrenching our plans, we did it! Another tour de force by yours truly.

Till we went to school on Monday and Eric called us out. But how could he have known? Ahhhh … Darwewood’s Puma shoes left a print in the baby powder on the trampoline. Are you kidding me? He’d been so proud of those damn shoes – the only one in our school with a pair at the time. The jig was up.

Puma Shoe

Damn Puma shoes.

I still love this moment in history despite the total fail. I learned so much from the experience, namely to NEVER use baby powder when teepeeing and that Puma shoes leave a mark.

Puma logo

Literally the logo was on the bottom of the shoe.

I’ve also realized that even at 34 “leiing” someone is pretty funny. A no-take-back to be sure.

So I ask, have you ever been so clever, so covert in a personal top secret op, that there was no way you would ever get caught … but you did? I would seriously love to know that Darewood and I aren’t the only ones.

 

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