Why I’d Make An Excellent Prepper

Last night Clifford was watching a prepper show. In case you live in the Dark Ages or Kansas, preppers are people preparing for Armageddon. Whether it’s a natural Armegeddon like a tsunami hitting Chicago, or Governmental like a total economic collapse, or just something completely outrageous like a zombie apocalypse, preppers are organizing food, shelter and water for the day the world comes to an end, thrusting order into utter chaos.

Last night’s episode had a married couple that raises bunnies. They kill their bunnies and eat them. They use their crap to fertilize their veggies. I feel like they had a dozen other uses as well, but when they went to kill the bunny, I had to look away.

This is when Clifford began to regale me with the story of his sister befriending rabbits while they visited family in Austria as kids. His family lives in this little village named Saint Marienkirchen. My understanding is that it is fairly rural where his family is located.

In Clifford’s version of events, he explained how his sister became quite attached to the bunnies out back of the house. She would feed them and love on them.

My sister-in-law loving her little friend.

My sister-in-law loving her little friend.

One day when they had returned from the day’s activities, she headed out back to play with them, but the bunnies weren’t there. They were all gone. Because they were dinner. He laughed quite maniacally as he told the story and remembered how devastated his sister was. He found the whole thing quite hilarious.

So back to the prepper show and me turning away from the bunny murderess on screen. Clifford, of course, began challenging me with things like, “What? You couldn’t kill a rabbit to survive?” and “You don’t have it in you, do you?”

This got me thinking. In the case where the world is coming to an end, zombies are taking over or whatever, I’d like to say, “ Hell yeah, I would do that!” And I think this morning’s conversation proves it-

Clifford: It’s the end of the world, babe. You do what you’ve got to do. We are out of food. You know what that makes us?

Me: The first to eat faces?

Clifford: No. The first to break into other people’s homes for food. That’s sick.

Me: Oh! Well that makes sense.

Clifford: So you are telling me that the first thing you do is eat human flesh?

Me: No. I guess I’d break into homes first to see what food we could find.

So know that if the day of reckoning is upon us, I’ve got your back. Until I eat it.

My survivalist instincts kicking in.

My survivalist instincts kicking in.


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