Total-Take-Back: The Dishwasher

2015 is at an end, folks. It flew by so quickly. I did take some time to enjoy the holidays with the fam over the last week or so, but now it’s time for me to get back to business, or rather blogging. I had many failures with few successes this last year. Or rather I accepted lots and lots of character building opportunities versus not accepting any character building opportunities at all. In hindsight, just the latter would have been fine by me …

So to close out the last 365 days, I thought I’d go out with a Total-Take-Back. After all, you never want to move into a new year with regrets.

Roughly two weeks ago, Clifford discovered something about me. Something he has shared with pretty much everyone in earshot. Now, he never cares what I blog about and hates it when I blog about him, but he actually wanted me to post this one and share it with the world because he finds it hilarious. So this one is for my bearded hubs, hoping he’ll shave that monstrosity off his face in the next few months.

I had just started the dishwasher. I was attempting to clean the kitchen which seems like an endless task these days. Clifford walked in and asked me what the noise was. I didn’t hear anything, but then I’m half deaf. He looked at the dishwasher. I said, “Oh, well I started the dishwasher. Maybe that’s what you heard.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “You don’t hear that? That ‘thud, thud, thud, thud’?”

“I hear the dishwasher. I suppose it’s ‘thudding’. So?”

SO, it’s not supposed to ‘thud’. Something’s wrong.”

Clifford reached for the dishwasher lock and slow motion kicked into gear. What was likely mere seconds felt like hours. First my head cocked in confusion, then my eyes widened in shock and fear as clarity dawned… I barely moved fast enough. I quickly stretched to slap his hand away as I screamed, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???!!!”

Clifford paused with his hand next to the latch. Now it was he cocking his head in confusion at me. “I’m about to open the dishwasher and fix what’s making the noise. Why?”

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t have the words. I couldn’t articulate why he couldn’t open the dishwasher door. Everyone knows why you don’t open a running dishwasher. What was wrong with him? Though my mouth couldn’t move, my eyes spoke volumes.

Clifford tilted his head a little more and began to smile. He had this look in his eye, a look I hate because it means he thinks he has one on me. “Libby, what do you think will happen when I open the dishwasher?”

What was he even asking me? It was obvious. I stood up straighter and now I was looking at him like he was crazy.

“Seriously … what do you think is going to happen when I open the door?” His smile got bigger and he flicked the latch for access.

I gasped. I am not being dramatic here, I physically gasped while shaking my head and covering my mouth. Was he a total idiot?

There was a stare off between us that lasted minutes. He smirked and I stood petrified that he was really going to go through with it. He was going to open the dishwasher door mid-cycle. I didn’t know what to do.

Then he spoke with that stupid knowing look stuck on his face, “You think the dishwasher is filled to the top with water and it’s all going to come rushing out, flooding the kitchen, when I open the door, don’t you?”

Well, duh.

My face must have given away my exact thought because he started laughing and opened the door. I was able to manage a desperate pleading, “CLIFFORD!” as I tensed and anxiously braced myself for the water to consume my kitchen floor. I closed my eyes, prepared to feel the dirty dishwater gushing around me.

I felt nothing. I heard Clifford’s loud guffaw. I opened one eye. There was no water flooding my floor. No dirty dishwater gushing around my feet, splashing my face and tainting my clothes. What the …? I didn’t get it.

So yeah, maybe I did think the dishwasher fills to the top with water and yes, maybe I’ve thought that for the last 30 odd years. Clifford never made me watch that episode of Modern Marvels, ok? I guess now I can move forward into 2016 knowing the dishwasher may be opened mid-cycle and it won’t be like The Great Mississippi flood of 1927 all over again.

Happy New Year, people, wherever you are…



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