My big sis gave me one of the best gifts one could receive: the game of RISK. Who could imagine a better way to spend six hours of their day? A game of strategy, venture, and chance? Sieges, allies, and DICE? (because dice make everything cooler)

Best game ever! What could go wrong?

So it began. The selection process is vitally important. We carefully chose our territories one infantry at a time. Who you’re next to is who you will be fighting first, and fortifying those borders is your top priority. After staking our claims, we were ready to begin conquering countries in the pursuit of world domination.

Now my parents raised extremely competitive children. This means that not only did we have, by today’s standards, a rather unhealthy need to win at everything, but it also meant that, as siblings, if we needed to join forces with one to take out another, we would connive as required and do so with a smile.

First game – we allied against my big sis. ONE – because it’s funny to watch her face slowly flood with anger and TWO – because it was really fun to watch her face slowly flood with anger. Eventually big sister’s last line of defense was destroyed. Though everyone else was still alive in the game, she demanded we stop and start anew. And this time NO allies. We quit. We start again, this time with the promise that there would be no conspiring with another player. (I know, I know)

We were ready to begin the second game and looking at the map, the only countries we former allies were bordering were big sister’s and our mom’s. PURE COINCIDENCE, mind you. My mom, being a sweet lady, and our mom, meant no one wanted to attack her. Which also meant that the RECENTLY ESTRANGED ALLIES all had the same course of action- we had to attack my older sister. AGAIN. This did not end well.

Halfway through the game I decided to make a big play. For this one I was bringing out the big guns. A cannon or two led the charge because in my mind, I wasn’t going into battle, I was about to rain down a hellfire that could annihilate an empire … against my older sister.

The cannon that would take over the world … or so I thought.

She lost. She lost big. Then, she lost it completely. As her troops bowed to my superior forces, big sis shot out of her seat, slammed her fists on the table while screaming, “Libby! You’re such a F@!#ing B!@#$!!!” (capitalized because I think it was more of a title she was bestowing upon me as opposed to some random expletives she was just throwing my way). And of course I turn to our mom and said, “Mother! Did you hear what she just said?!!!” My mother swiftly responded, “Alright! That’s enough! This game is no longer allowed to be played in this household! We’re done.”

And so Risk spent a whopping 48 hours at my parents’ house before being exiled indefinitely. I never thought a family fun night would end in the tragic banning of my favorite game (a little too Fahrenheit 451 if you ask me) Oh, and did I mention we were in our twenties?  Yeah …

Bottom line is that playing a ruthless game of Risk is NEVER a take-back, no matter how dastardly things may end. It’s worth it, man. And it’s the only way to play.