It was a little Christmas gift set. There was the traditional Poo-Pourri, which you shake and spritz into the toilet, alleviating any foul stench in the air, and it was accompanied by a little mouth spray like Binaca called Potty Mouth.

Poo-Pourri mouth freshener and toilet spray.

I was brushing my teeth and I’d never used a mouth spritzer before. Sure I’ve used Listerine and other mouth washes, but I’ve never used Binaca or something like it. The flavor of this spray was Candy Cane.  Couldn’t be too bad, right? I thought I’d try it out. So I grabbed the spray from the counter and released a few pumps into my mouth.

It was the most wretched, foul-tasting thing that has ever hit my tongue! I was gagging over the bathroom sink. How could this breath booster be so awful?!!! Then I realized I hadn’t shaken the bottle like you do with the Poo-Pouri. All of the minty freshness must have settled at the bottom. I shook the bottle rigorously and reluctantly sprayed the supposed Candy Cane pleasantness back into my mouth. Again, I gagged.

What sort of disgusting mouth spray did my brother buy us? I grabbed my toothbrush and rapidly began scrubbing my tongue as hard as I could to remove the revolting taste that seemingly stained it forever.

This had to be a terrible prank. I grabbed the bottle to look at the ingredients. Was this some ridiculous Spencer’s gag gift my brother had bought for a bit of personal merriment? Was he maniacally laughing somewhere at my gullible expense?

I was looking at the label when I saw it. I’d been spraying the Poo-Pourii repeatedly into my mouth. I’d used the wrong bottle.

We won’t ever talk about this again.

PS – the actual Candy Cane stuff was pretty good.